it's 5 in the morning.. and here i am still up.. still looking around.. still finding an answer.. like a sailor without a compass.. out at sea.. but the winds are getting stronger now.. the sea rougher.. and i am growing tired..
quite frankly i am tired of whining.. whining is serious business.. it takes a shit load of stuff away from you and leaves you with nothing.. just a lot of emptiness..
my whole life has brought me to this point.. right here right now.. everything that has been.. all that i have seen and experienced.. brought me here.. to the edge of the known universe.. here where life and death collide.. where reason and being meet.. at the edge of the known universe where the unknown begins.. like standing at the edge of a cliff.. where the beyond is just nothingness.. as far as the eye can see - nothingness.. never ending void.. a vastness your mind does not comprehend.. where the next step might mean falling down.. where the next step is the step of faith..
how can i say that there is no god? when i feel him in my bones.. i see him in the beautiful creations around me.. in the eyes of the oppressed.. in my loneliness, i know he has not forsaken me.. he is right there waiting for me to talk to him.. waiting for me to take the plunge.. to take the dive.. to have faith.. to believe.. to come alive again..
so this is what this blog is about.. no more whining.. no more complaining.. but this blog will be about finding God again.. my road back to God.. where i unlearn what i have learn.. and see my world through his eyes.. at the edge of the known universe.. this is where it begins..
